So? I'm spending most of the night writing and trying to throw all "this" out. I've been almost shouting to everyone and everywhere, recently, that I only got shit along my days and for mysterious reasons I began to feel as if my mind were a programmed receiver of bad news. I could be talking with fellas and I could be surrounded by people, without showing a slight sense of happiness.
I don't want to believe that increasingly, I start to feel like a different person, but it happen to be true; at least only in the mornings.
Some days I hate myself just by the fact that most of the time I tend to hide me in words. People would probably know me better if I bear a transcript or description of my person on the face. Words are my best feature, so I'm told! but such a thing like carry a replacing-biography of verbal words tattooed on the face, it's just beyond!
"Through words, I can soften some of the worst blows that life delivers"
It's not a flatter of pretentiousness, because some other days I try to not be like I am.
Perhaps it's just the suspicion that I've lived and experienced every-day situations in an accelerated rate. I've probably caused this on me and it doesn't necessary have to be tagged as a bad thing.
The other day, a friend of mine reserved to herself a deep experience about something wrong happend with her mother. We weren't together and miles away I felt in need of fall apart and weep the whole night. I simply wasn't feeling OK. A month before she got the brave enough to tell me what had happened and hours before I linked up what she just told me with "the month-after feeling" that caught me unawares.
Yesterday I felt into the same situation. I was at class with the only urgency to run away straight to my home. This is why I made this statement clear: "I've gotten so much shit and I think I'm really trying to not tempt people too"
I couldn't handle this. Like I don't want to get my hopes up but..."no" I definitely wouldn't. I was going at the opposite side; and a friend of my class whom I hold dear too much ♥ He let me to cool the jets when I actually, rather than to be ignored, I prefer to discuss and talk about.
I guess he has a random opinion about me but let's hope he can remove the bandage from his eyes and instead of hypnotize himself with what he's holding close, he begin to appreciate what he's just watching in a considerable distance.
"Me against that rock solid over there"
I know I've ultimately destroyed my lovely mood but I've been having also my bright days.
Spitefully (maybe) I wrote this down because I AM A freaking jealous person, just in case to be required, and now, although somewhat befuddled I feel SO MUCH BETTER.
Let's not to put a name to this feeling, firs of all because it's weird and It's been a day and I still didn't know how exactly felt like; and second of all I'm not interested at all-
I get interested just at the right moment when that happen. I've been thinking in a solution to finish finish this up and I wish someone think up, make up and invent miraculous pills to get over this human emotional-state.
Who would say that I did spend about one hour polishing this up, to savor a slight of chocolatey success. No coffee. No parsley or coriander.
I'm going to bed. It's 2:33 am (25-march)
